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There are several types of difficult people, and it’s helpful to identify their common traits in order to learn how to deal with them effectively.

As we review these traits, remember that you can choose how to react to them.

The effect of difficult relationships – whether they make us or break us – is determined, not by the treatment we receive but, by how we respond to it.

1. The “Sherman Tank” Personality:

This label may bring to mind a person who runs over everything and anything that is in his/her way.

These people have a tendency to intimidate others because of their “I-am-right-and-you-are-wrong” attitude. They intimidate through sheer force and power; their behaviour is aggressive and even hostile. It is difficult to sit down and reason with tanks.

• First, consider the person’s influence as well as the issue at stake. How important is the point being fought over? How many people are being influenced by the “tank”? If the issue could have a direct, negative effect on others within the organisation, it probably might be worth fighting over. But if it is an insignificant issue or a matter of pride, it’s not worth the battle.
• When crucial matters arise, however, you must stand up to this personality.
• Be direct, because they probably don’t understand tactfulness. Look at them face to face and confront the specific issues at hand.

Unfortunately, these people cause more pain than any other difficult personalities. These personalities have the power to pull many allies.

Example of this personality in your life: ………………………………………………………………………………….

2. The “Space Cadet”

These people live in their own worlds. They do not usually respond to normal motivation techniques. You have probably labelled the people you know who fall into this category as “weird”.

Consider these guidelines when working with a “Space Cadet”:

• Don’t ask his/her opinion – you will get an off-the-wall answer. Space Cadets aren’t good sounding boards.
• When you need a group to pull together to accomplish goals, the Space Cadet has difficulty pulling with others in the same direction.
• Don’t place Space Cadets in positions of leadership, they won’t be able to determine the heartbeat of others.
• Don’t write the Space Cadet off as a lost cause, rather identify his/her strengths or uniqueness and see how you can develop them.
• Space Cadets work best when they work alone. So find an area in which they are interested and give them the space to dream and create.

Example of this personality in your life: ………………………………………………………………………………….

3. The “Volcano”

The “Volcano” is explosive, unpredictable and unapproachable.

How do we treat such people? Should we walk around them softly? Do we test the waters to see what kind of a day it is?

The “Volcano” is known to cause tension. Those who work with this person can never relax; they never know what might set them off.

How will we handle “Volcanoes” when they blow up?

• Calmness is the key.
• Remove them from the crowd.
• Allow them to vent when you are alone; they do not need an audience. Allow them to vent for as long as needed.
• Don’t try and interrupt, they won’t be listening to you.
• You may need them to repeat the story in order to get a clear understanding.
• Minimise exaggeration and remove hearsay.
• Provide a soft, clear answer concerning the situation.
• Hold these people accountable for the things that they say and the people that they harm.

Example of this personality in your life: ………………………………………………………………………………….

4. The “Thumb Sucker”

The “Thumb Sucker” tends to pout, is full of self-pity and tries to get people to cater to his/her own desires. This is used as a leverage to manipulate others. They can create an atmosphere that is heavy and oppressive. Often they apply the silent treatment to get what they want.

Here’s a strategy in dealing with this individual.

• Make the “Thumb Sucker” aware of the fact that the moodiness is a choice. This is essential. People become moody to manipulate people and gain control. They are very seldom moody by themselves.
• Teach them that they are responsible for the atmosphere they create, especially if they are in positions of leadership. If you chose to lead then you also need to choose to be even-tempered.
• Sometimes it is helpful to expose these “Thumb Suckers” to people who have real problems.
• It is important to never reward or give attention to moody people. Giving them an opportunity to publicly exhibit their negative attitudes gives them a sense of recognition.
• The best method of attack is to praise this person’s positive ideas and actions and to ignore him when he is sucking his thumb.

Example of this personality in your life: ………………………………………………………………………………….

5. The “Garbage Collector”

The “Garbage Collector” is locked even deeper in negativity. These individuals will replay and rehearse the mire of negativity. They have surrendered their lives to negative emotions.

They nurse their wounds and hold onto their wounded ill spirits.

How do we deal with these people?

• Confront them about the way they try to represent other people.
• Do not allow them to tell you that there are others who feel the same way, be sure to identify these names. This single requirement takes a lot of the “stink” out of their garbage because it usually boils down to just one or two individuals who have an affinity for garbage too.
• Challenge their statements by pinning them down when they make generalisations and exaggerations.
• If they have created a serious enough situation, it may become necessary to destroy their credibility by exposing them to a decision-making group.

Example of this personality in your life: ………………………………………………………………………………….

6. The “User”

The “User” is the person who manipulates others for his or her personal gain. “Users” avoid responsibility for themselves while demanding time and energy from others to benefit their own situations. They often use guilt to get what they want.

They put on a weak front in order to get people to feel sorry for them and help them out.

How do you work with “Users”?

• Set predetermined limits on how far you will go to help them.
• Require responsibility from the Users. Make sure they are responsible for some part of the job.
• Don’t feel obligated to users, and don’t feel guilty for not feeling obligated. Most of the time a simple, a firm no is the best medicine.

Example of this personality in your life: ………………………………………………………………………………….

Do you recognise anyone you know in each of these categories? Or maybe you are dealing with someone so difficult, he is a category all by himself.

Take heart, there are general rules which you can put into practice that will enable you to work more effectively with problem people.

• Love them unconditionally.
• Seek wisdom from a trusted source.
• Stay emotionally healthy yourself.
• Do not elevate people to positions of leadership in order to rescue them.
• Be honest with yourself and them.